Morning Dew Sparkles and Roses Sept. 21, 2010

This will be a very long day. It is coming up six am, the house is very still. My kitty is sick and begging to be let outside, he is and has always been an outside wanderer from the very first day I rescued him from his little prison at the clinic. He's my long time buddy and I know he would go crazy if not allowed outside. I will keep a worried vigil at my back door until he returns.

It's dark outside, my days have become nights adjusting to the new medicine for Graves Disease.I am out of cigarettes. I will wait for the light and take a very early morning walk to the store that I am nervous about. Rosie will be with me. She will get me to the store and I can watch her happy trot at receiving such a gift as this early walk! She is watching me from the couch, attentive to my every mood and action, my loving friendly shadow.

Coffee is ready and I am going to need it because I have not slept yet. It is going to be a very long day. I can hear the world waking up outside. The odd car goes bye and I wish the morning light would hurry up! Another cup of coffee, (caffeine is kicking in!), a quick note to my son in case he wakes up, open bedroom window for my kitty, where is he anyway? Breakfast for my angel Rosie and let's get this very strange, disorientating walk over with so I can continue to write! I have not posted in SO long, the past few months have been very hard, so very sedated. Talk to you soon, wish us luck. I have missed you all very much!

8:00 AM
We are home! What an opposite world it is now than a few hours ago! Although, I feel very surreal because of no sleep . The 6 am java has worn off to a sickly feeling in my stomach. I cannot eat for hours after my thyroid pill, I must eat after my antidepressants, hence the feeling of nausea. Leeta kitty is home! Donny is still dreaming of Star Trek adventures, Goldie the fish dozing in his dark aquarium, all is how it should be.
Our trek in the twilight was eerie, deserted and filled with the sounds of silence. Lack of sleep had my senses in high alert and the sound of someone following us was, in reality, only the sound of a rock in my running shoe.

This is the time of evening's goodbye, when I always imagine I am the only person left in the world. The traffic lights change for empty roads.

 The park and the trees scurry to capture the dawn's first light and I wonder where all the people of earth have gone. When my head begins to devour my thoughts like this I know what to do. Rosie is my 'reality anchor'. I stop to hug her and notice morning's dewdrops sparkling on her nose, she makes me laugh!

We've made it to Safeway. This feat is a victory for me! My legs only became pillars of stone about the third block of this morning's journey, only a squeaking of sharp pain in my lower back. Last week my back would have been screaming. One step forward, two steps back. Recovery from thyroid ablation is very, very slow! My world became very small and thank God Rosie was in it.

 Since May when I was 'nuked' I have learned who are my true supporters and angels in my life. I have lost relationships and am a stronger, better person to myself for losing them. I have gained closer, wiser and more loving relationships with friends and family. I relish every second of life that Rosie and I spend with these miraculous people. Sharon, Ryan, Mel, Donna and my treasured sister, Tracy, I am sincerely in awe of the love and support from you these last few months.  Rosie and I love you so very much! Like the dew sparkles on Rosie's nose, you make my life sparkle. You make me smile and are there when when we really need someone. Thank you for being there to keep me strong and more importantly, for being there when we both became weak. Sparkle on dewdrops!

I was not the only one feeling pain this summer. My angel girl Rosie also endured pain after an attack and bite from another dog. She received a puncture wound at her joint and spent the afternoon and night in the veterinary clinic.When Rosie bled, my heart bled. She was sedated, sutured and on antibiotics for ten days.
 How my soul tried to be brave when the doctor took her away from me. I lost myself and the world literally began to spin out of control. If not for Sharon, Ryan and Mel, who stayed with me the entire night, I would have surely died inside.
 We picked up Rosie at 4:30 am. She was swaying back and forth, foggy eyed and wore the cone around her neck. To see her like that was so terribly wrong. Mel stayed with me into the next day and we took care of Rosie. We have been even closer since that excruciating night, I was able to give Rosie what she gives to me every day, love to heal and a hand, (paw), to hold when life hurts.

Rosie glowed with her constant charm on our trip this morning! The security guard outside of Safeway wanted to chat about Collies, barking dogs, and just about everything when he saw us. Rosie has this effect on people, and with her by my side, I forgot how tired I was.
We carried on after buying cigarettes and Leeta kitty food to avoid that look of disgust that Leeta gives me when he only has dry food! A short stop at the gas bar for Rosie's special cookie that they always have for her and we are finally headed home!
The sky was no longer grey and alien. It was blue!

 The sun began to shine and I felt that everyone I saw in this bright light must know that I had been up all night! I felt kinda messy! No one really knew, besides, they just wanted to smile at Rosie and wish us a cheery good morning. Rosie is always more than happy to wag her tail and wish everyone a good day!

This will not be a very long day! Thank you Rosie for showing me the way out of the dark and into the sunshine. I see the sparkling morning dew playing on your nose, you make me laugh, you give me life, my gentle loving rose.

 Rosie has confiscated my pillow and settled in for a well deserved snooze!

We love that you have shared these morning hours with us, thank you with hugs and tail wags! We have missed saying hello and sharing our days. Goodnight for a few hours, Rosie and I have much to do this afternoon! Before shutting your eyes tonight, Rosie would like you to say to yourself....

'Who I am Makes A Difference'

Summer Love From Rosie July 2010

Free picture slideshow customized with Smilebox

Being alone with Rosie, The Summer of Reflection and Healing...

Hi everyone!! Biggest WOOFS from Rosie!! It has been SO long since our last post, well here ya go!  Rosie is so happy and helping me so much! I have been quite ill lately and will be for all this summer,,blah!..but Rosie is with me...all will be good.  Just going to have to rest and take the summer to reflect and heal..

Watching my 'kid' makes me happy. My illness, with my thyroid is going to keep me home this summer.  I am going to enjoy EVERY second with Rosie.  EVERY SINGLE SECOND!! Every blade of summer grass, every laugh of a child that is off school for the summer, every bug that my kitty Leeta bobs around.
  I just about lost my Leeta.  He got hit by a car or something!  The SPCA people came to my door so I know that someone I know hurt him.  Who ever called the SPCA knew where i lived and made the call.  Leeta is ok now..I am not..to see your beloved animal, swollen and in inentse pain is so hard.  My poor Leeta, he is ok now, thank god. Rosie would not eat Leeta's food on the floor or drink kitty's water when he was at his worst, Rosie knew!
And, Rosie knew his Mom was sick.
I could not be within 4 feet of anyone for a week due to a radiation treatment.  My biggest worry was Rosie!! She knew, she knows everything.  She kept a lead of at least 4 feet at out romps to the park.  I did not even have to tell her. My son attached her leash and then I took it about 4 ft away...she knew everything.... everything!!! Rosie is so smart, she knows me now..I know her, and I miss her SO MUCH!....
I had the most wonderful hug from my son, Rosie and Leeta.  This hug was the most magical and sparkling hug I had ever had.  I had waited for this hug and anticipated it for a week...a very, very, every, long isolated week.
  This hug was the warmest, most sparkling, most comforting pillow soft feather swooshing, warmest,
perfectly toasted marshmallow contentment, I have ever felt in my life. It's really good when you don't have it for awhile!!

My darln Rosie is with me every second.  I will not be doing anything this summer with my best friends, West Coast Assistance Teams.   I will be very sad about that.  I am crying right now about that.  And I am so sorry that I cant be involved.  I already feel my emotions and physical health on a downward spiral.  This is the way it must be, dam thyroid.  Stupid, stupid, stupid. dam disease.  Graves disease, in my research can cause mood swings.  HAHAHAHA..SORRY, BUT..have been battling that crap all my life.
  It strikes me so strange that I have a disease that affects my moods, and a disease that is treated with radiation that can take up to a year to totally destroy my thyroid.  My moods are going crazy, (as always), and the doctors believe me!! THE DOCTORS BELIEVE ME!!! wow! It only took a gland in my body that was way out of wack to make them listen..hmmmmm...whatever.

There is one being who believes me all the way, no matter what...morning, day, night..anytime..my angel, my Rosie. My best friend, the one I can always count on, and oh my goodness is she waking me up in the morning!! There would be no morning without my Rosie girl, thank you darling, lets go to the park.
I cant go very far these days, Rosie does not care, the park is her paradise, and she makes it mine.
I love you Rosie girl

YOUR PLEDGES MEANT SO MUCH! THANK YOU FROM ROSIE!

Thank you so much for all your wonderful pledges to West Coast Assistance Teams!




Unfortunately, my Mom, Donny and I were not able to attend because of Mom's recent health issues. Our hearts were there and we wish to thank Sharon and Ryan for all the wonderful pictures! They made Mom and I feel so included and important! (If you would like a close up of me or any of my furry friends, just click on the pic!)

Enjoy the pictures and video, Mom and I sure did! West Coast Assistance Teams, with your pledges raised $5,046.00!!! Thank you from all our puppy hearts for sharing so much love!

My buddies and I will make sure people are helped with our love and expertise! THAT is a promise. We will make life better and brighter for people in need.  

 Here is the West Coast gang at the run! Mom, Donny and I SO missed being there and are sad that we could not attend. We are EXTREMELY PROUD of West Coast,you, and all our friends for doing such a wonderful job. Look how happy everyone is! Thanks again to Sharon and Ryan for the wonderful pics, LOVE YOU GUYS!

Ryan has created a video on Youtube! Just go to Youtube and enter west coast rotary seawalk You cant help but feel good if you watch it! Great work Ryan! Mom couldn't help but sing along and smile! 

Donny would like to thank his awesome Dad, Grammie in Kelowna, his Grammie's friend Avis, his Auntie Ti Ti, Auntie Donna, Auntie Katheren, and his most special friends and teacher Val, from Traditional Learning Academy for their heartfelt pledges. Donny so appreciates your help and wants other 'Moms' to be helped like his Mom was. Woof! Donny you rock!

All of you who so lovingly pledged will help West Coast Assistance Teams train and place dogs like Ellie! Isn't she beautiful! She will be placed with someone who so needs her so that they may live their life with independence, freedom and confidence. You go Ellie girl!

I must go check on Mom, she wants to post soon on her recent health issues so you all know why we are spending alot of time at home lately. It has been a rough ride for Mom, with my help she is feeling better and we hope to be involved with our 'angels', West Coast Assistance Teams as soon as we can! 

Take Care everyone, smile at someone everyday, because...

'Who I am Makes a Difference'

Hugs and Woofs 

Leanne and Rosie

A NEW CHALLENGE FOR ROSIE, THE PHYSICAL PAIN AND SHE RISES TO THE CHALLENGE!

This post is from me, Leanne, and not from Rosie, ( my son Donny and her are taking a well deserved rest)

I MUST tell you how Rosie has helped me with something new in my life, physical pain. This physical pain seems like it comes from another planet than the pain from my monsters of the mind.  Very different, very real and tactile. The tests at the hospital, the very REALITY of it all is, almost, to me, too easily communicated to the medical profession.
My only wish is that someday people like myself may be helped, so believed, so acknowledged, so tested and diagnosed without a doubt for our mental disorders that so affect our lives.  I cannot help but compare at this time in my life. My physical disease is cut and dry, maybe not to the doctors with their scans and varying degrees of prognosis, but to me there is no fight to get my pain across, they already know. I wish they knew what I have been trying to make them understand for all my life, the pain of my mind.

Rosie and I are beginning a new chapter of my life, one of physical pain, many tests and hospital visits. We are strong! Rosie was right by my side for some test at the nuclear medicine department at Surrey Memorial Hospital. The technicians and doctors LOVED her gentle way and behaved manner. She was welcomed with open arms and I am sure will be for future tests I am going to. What comfort and calmness with Rosie by my side! Rosie entered my mind and calmed it, this was just another new experience with Mom.  The entire nuclear medicine department petted her and showed us pictures of their dogs on their cell phones!! I previously worked in hospitals all my life, I can't help but think that Rosie and I are so at ease in hospitals that this disease will be something Rosie and I will face together, we can do it, together.

Rosie was right beside the gamma camera and all these radioactive tests with me..(it's ok, the radioactive stuff was inside me, no danger to Rosie or my son Donny.)

Rosie and I spent a most GLORIOUS weekend with my twin sister and her best friend, 'Kess', (my sister's husky wolf cross), to celebrate our 50th birthday! Rosie and I , (Rosie is near 56 herself!), have discovered that these ARE the best years of our life! There is a calming peace that comes with this birthday, a soul awakening, a pristine time in life. Rosie and I are soaking in every moment of it and every moment feels very, very special, yea 50!

Whatever life is going to present to us now, we are ready. I have had Rosie for close to 2 years now, we are connected, and become more so every day.  I do know that with her, whatever life throws at me, I can handle. Before I had Rosie, I could not. There was no hope, no tomorrow, no angel to lead me to the future. Do you see what an amazing change a service dog can make? I hope so.

I write this blog to my best friend, my loving shadow that is always there, my furry companion that knows me, my constant companion that gives me that look wherever I go, ' love you, you are everything to me', my angel, Rosie.
Rosie says this to me with every blow of the wind, and wants you to say it to yourself...
'Who I Am Makes A Difference'

IT ONLY GETS BETTER FROM HERE!! MAY 2010

HAPPY 50TH MOM! THE BEST YEARS ARE YET TO COME WITH ME BY YOUR SIDE!

I KNOW YOU HAVE NEVER BEEN HAPPIER IN LIFE!

LETS GO OUT IN THE SUN AND CELEBRATE!

ALL MY LOVE AND LOYALTY ALWAYS,

YOUR ANGEL,

ROSIE

THERE IS DARK YET ALWAYS HOPE AND SUNSHINE FOR MY MOM! HAPPY MOTHERS DAY MAY 2010

A Dark day and My Shining Star 

(With all our love to Shayla, another shining star for me,you must shine on, be strong for me)

Inside is grungy, dirty, not done, so much to do.
Shame for the chores not done, my voice says, ’MUST DO!’

I see disgusting, dirt, I see the shame, not only dishes but swarms of pain, guilt, and you are bad, so worthless.

Rosie’s eyes are warm, her white glowing mane, promising, I love you Rosie.
The guilt, the shame for what I am
The face I show is an embarrassing sham.
But she knows and does not care,
about my clothes or dirty hair.
I am consumed with dishes and dirt, how could I be so bad?

She looks at me, she knows I am sad.
And in her look she warms me so,
I love you no matter what, she lets me know
I need you Rosie.
We walked today for many miles, dirty hair, no shower, my head down to hide my shame,
She shakes her white and glowing mane.
Rosie says,
“Outside I am free”
Outside with Rosie,
People smile, I smile and talk

Return home, hurry! Stop the talk,
And then I return, afraid to rot.

I return, to face the fear,
And feel that the darkness will reappear, it’s here.
It is never really gone, till the day and lightness make it clear.
And so pristine, and for a moment I am here.
So sharp and clear is the world, so refreshing is the wind,
I spread my arms to take it in, to fly.

These days are few, maybe two a year. I remember fondly but soon forget, how lovely and clear and light it feels, and then regret. Now, the heavy, dark in mind and body that is my life. Except for the release of that day, the CLEAR DAY, oh how I wish, I could get that back..

It is so shameful, I must hide! Life is hidden. My life without Rosie is hidden.

Its suppertime, Rosie brings me my pill, maybe there is hope.
My mind teases none, for you? Nope.
Maybe tomorrow I will clear the dirt from my mind, my house,
Not fear my life, not hide like a mouse.
Every day, every day, the next day, is tomorrow, for clearing the mess, everyday is a day to only hide, sleep, rest. My home where I write, my home should be still.
My home is only the place for a pill. Tomorrow is time to clean and refresh, tomorrow is time to be caught in the mesh.
Of promises I make to be good to myself.

My son smiles at me, I love him, the joy in his eyes

Little boy’s smiles hold truth and no lies

I love you Donny.
Rosie plops down, in front of me content
Gone is the day of sidewalks, cement.

Miles walked today, mind rest and stay,
I ponder and try to push negative away
My family is happy, dark thoughts go astray
A cigarette,
A donut,
An outlet,
Anything not to feel, don’t fret, go away
Come back to Rosie, she knows the way.

From my heavy heart, Rosie does lift,
I can belong with my heaven’s gift.

Without her, there is no white glowing mane, no friend, constant companion through the pain.
I love you Rosie, thank you for being with me
You never question, forever, loyally.
My shadow through the dark and the light
Without you, I would give up the fight.
I just went upstairs, there she is and a pet
She does not understand my guilt
For challenges not met.

Thank you my friend for all that you are
My angel, my friend, my shining star.

To My Mom (the most special human one!) 

Happy Mom’s Day and my most loving Woof! For you my paws write this poem, I love you most for your heart that is my forever, loving home.

Recently so clear to me, my mom is feeling low
She sleeps a lot, her chores not done, her pace is very slow.
Something is different about her, something is not the same,
It’s not her mind but the way she walks, she moves as if in pain.
We have been to sterile new places, where I watch her talk,
To people in white, and there is a struggle in her walk.
I stay closer now, I look so closely at her face
She always leans down for a furry embrace.

Mom is not sad but sleepy, and after I am fed,
She warily lies down, beside me in her bed.
My Mom, she smiles at me and our routine is just the same,
Except for things she cannot do because she’s feeling pain.
I wish I could talk, during our walk
But in a way I always do,
I understand what she needs is a nudge, a warm look to her face that says ‘I love you”.
My wagging tail, and happy woof! A place for her to hide,
If only for a moment from the noise and world outside.

We walked today and talked, many miles out in the sun,
She is hurting now and very tired, the day for Mom is done.
There is something changed about my Mom
She struggled and lost her energy today in the sun.
Whatever new, whatever pain, whatever needs to be done,
We understand together, together we are one.

I love her for the bond we share, the bond that grows and grows,
And now it seems so easy,  to know what each other knows.
Together Mom and I conquered the monsters of her mind, and we won
Together Mom and I will conquer the physical and not only walk but run.
There is a purpose for everyone, a reason for living, and everything done.

Mom and I in the sun, often we not only walk, but often we fly
Often we are so free that we hear the eagles cry.

 Mom and I are headed for the hospital where she must drink some nuclear dye,
I'll be there with her, in case she might cry.

Thank You for listening, YOU have to know,

"Who I am Makes a Difference"  

Special Love to 'Shayla' who needs to know we love her so much. You are my sunshine girl, even though you feel dark, have been there and you must know, there is light to come, and it is because of you. If you give up, the sunshine will be gone from my life, i love you and if your love of photography was ever gone from my life, (and donny's, young buddy photographer that LOVES your photo's), my life would be missing sunshine and talent. I love you girl, you make a difference.