ROSIE GOES FLYING!! March 2010

Hugs and woofs everyone!  I have missed you all so much and apologize with my wagging tail for so long between posts.  Mom has taken me EVERYWHERE and beyond! She has had her ups and downs lately including a new health problem.  We were definitely UP on our trip to Prince George, I was right beside my Mom on the airplane!! WEEEE!! (actually I slept the whole way..YAWN!)  I noticed when I was carrying my food dish for breakfast that it seemed lighter..hmmmm?  Mom is no longer taking her anti-anxiety medicine! WOW! I am SO proud of her! We travelled 500 miles together! I am such a great service dog you know!

That is us on the airplane, ready for take off! Look how happy Mom is!! Thank you Jazz Air for taking such good care of us! There was plenty of room for me to curl up under the seat, I fell asleep for the whole trip! YAWN! This was a small airplane and an even smaller one on the way back.  We sailed through security and everyone was so nice!  Ahem..I do attract crowds and loved every pet and smile I got! Mom was so calm but my Auntie Ti Ti was a little nervous when we hit some turbulence. I flashed her a comforting smile and she felt much better.

I just could not stop my tail from wagging! What an adventure and victory for my Mom! A couple of years ago she could not even leave her house, now she is on an airplane flying to Prince George! Gotta love her! We touched down up north and I shook off my fuzzy nap.  Prince George was lovely! The air so crisp like sheets dried in the wind. A windy sunny day greeted us to the north, but no snow! Woof! I wanted to get my paws in the cold white stuff and I did when we travelled 45 minutes out of Prince George to Murch Lake.  Fun!! The smells were heavenly!! Bears, deer, SNOW! Hey Mom, havn a GREAT time, I know you are too! We settle in our motel room and freshened up, (YUM, snacks and that lovely northern water), to explore my Mom's hometown.  A lovely walk in the beaming sunshine as we laughed about the grey, slushy weather back home!

Oh, and that is RUSH HOUR by the way!  So quiet and almost eerie! We hardly looked before crossing the street.  We felt a warm endearing culture shock, good for the soul.  The native people in Prince George were SO friendly as everyone was, they adored me.  Mom was never questioned as to her condition or told she could not bring me in to the resteraunts, subway, Wendy's, Civic Centre, anywhere! The only question she had to answer was, 'can I pet your dog?'.  Needless to say, I received more friendly pets than ever before! Love you too Prince George! I have NEVER seen Mom so relaxed, remember no anxiety meds, happy and at home.  She made it her first priority to find me a potty spot and make me comfy too.  Not hard to do in such serene surroundings.  The 'flashiest' place in PG was the Civic Center. Awesome totem poles and native culture. There was no one there, no one! Quiet, peacefull, room to breathe and stretch, we must have walked for miles!

Look at the crowds, woof!  Mom and I posed by the totem poles and soaked in the space, so much space!
We met my Auntie's real estate agent Margaret to go look at some property at Murch Lake, and I am so happy to say that my Auntie has closed the deal and now owns the property. Big woof!! I love it there! Margaret was so nice and gave me the whole back seat of her car, I was a very good girl and curled up for a relaxing ride to the lake. These people make me feel so at home! We arrived at the pristine lake after Margaret was nice enough to cruise around to show my Auntie and Mom their old house and neighbourhood.  I hear my Mom say how everything looked so small!  The 'giant' mountain Mom remembers is just a hill, Caunaut Hill..heehee. Prince George has grown but the downtown where we stayed was just the same, not a thing changed Mom said! I got to play in the snow! Murch Lake was so much fun! The air felt soft and I have never heard the sound of complete silence.  Magic moments for me and Mom, she would not be experiencing this without me and I would not without her.  We sparkled like the shimmering snow with it's gift from the sun. We are magic me and my Mom and so is life together.

I think I am a snow dog! I am definitely a northern dog, I love the air and the peaceful feeling I get looking at my Mom and feeling us connect.  The north was a place for us to become even closer and we did.  We became a part of the land as my Mom's grandfather owned 160 acres before he died.  We took pictures by the farm and I felt my Mom become complete. I did not want to be anywhere else in the world that day but beside her!  What a team we are!  Life is full of miracles and magic places for us! I wonder what Mom did before me, I think she just did not.  Woof! I love life with her!

Murch Lake is a place for the soul to rest, I cant wait to take my Mom back there!  We walked on the snowmobile tracks and when Mom went off the track she sunk to her knees in snow! Anxiety attack? NO..we laughed! I stood bye as Mom pulled herself to the trail.
We said goodbye to our beloved Murch Lake and pondered when we could come back.  Now I know we can! Yea Auntie Ti Ti!!  You have a piece of heaven.

After our full day of emotions and sparkly snow we headed back to our motel room for a well deserved rest! I was ever loyal to my mom and checked on her in the bathroom.  Ya ok Mom?

I need to make sure my Mom is ok at all times! I will be loyal and committed wherever we are in the world to her well being, that is my job! What a wonderful job to have, especially with this trip!  I was pooped after our busy day!! I stretched out on the queen size bed and even went over to visit my Auntie on her bed for a comforting cuddle!  I never slept so good, CRASHED!!

Homebound!  The plane turned and flew right over the ocean! I could tell Mom was quite nervous looking at all that water!  Even in my sleep I know she needed me.  I looked up and gave her my, 'all is good' look. With a pet and a smile she was calm, we are so in tune with each other now! I even got patted down by security in Prince George on the way home, it was fun!  I wagged my tail and gave kisses while the nice security guard human patted down my service cape, she was so kind to me!  We DID see a bear..haha..but only in the PG airport, so of course posed for a pic!  Smoke break in the wind at PG airport, I loved the wind, and looked so pretty in it I might add!

Mom wants to thank with enormous gratitude to Jazz airlines and all the security people, stewardess's, (the one on the way home was HALARIOUS!), Captains, Days Inn personnel, (especially Laura! you rocked!), taxi drivers, (I jumped in the trunk when Mom and Auntie put their luggage in their, you are not leaving me behind!haha..all had a GREAT laugh!), and everyone we met up north.  You made our stay so memorable!  Special thanks to the lady, dont know who you are but you saved us getting off the plane and not being able to get another flight till the next day!, who was severely allergic to long haired dogs..thats me! You made it clear to the supervisor who was quite upset at not being informed of your condition that it was ok.  Mom was very tired and had a very long trip home, much thanks! Big woof! To the airline attendant on the way home, you make us laugh so hard! Your joke about 'working like a dog, a service dog', was priceless!  Mom is going to write the airlines a letter thanking them, yea Mom!  We passed by soul-gentling landscape and the bright shining northern sun that warmed our faces with the northern air adding comfort and softness.

The trip home from PG was a much welcomed, want to go home flight. I was a little squooshed as it was a smaller plane, but so comfy! We had a wonderful discussion with the airline attendant regarding service dogs in the bulkhead.  She even took the whole flight to look up the regulations and told us how concerned she was that if we dropped 1000 feet that I might go flying around if in the bulkhead! She cared so much and I kept looking at her, which she announced on the speaker to all the passengers!! Just doing my job and keeping an eye on all who love me!

 WHOA!! Makn the turn...Mom needed a couple of comforing pets...all fun!

A couple of twisty turns in the airplane and we are home!! A bittersweet return, but now that my Auntie has the land I can take Mom there! With me she can go, and not only go but have the best time of her life.  Just with me..no anxiety meds,,just me! Beautiful Mom, you are my hero.
Like the patchwork shape of the ground from our window on the plane, our lives have become connected like a complete jigsaw puzzle. I am honoured to be the part of the puzzle that makes you complete.

 We flew over the water before touchdown on home ground! Flying over that huge mass of water was nerve racking! Not for me..remember I was napping! Mom gave me a nudge with her foot, a little stroke of my fur and thats all it took for her to video touchdown to mother earth!

Life is worth living! Go figure! My Mom and I are living it, sometimes not so much on a bad day but we have challenged opportunities and adventures and are victorious!!  Every one in this world matters, you do.  Without you in this world I would not have the joy of writing this blog, my paws are so busy with things to tell you! That is because you count, you make a difference.  Thank you for listening, many more adventures to come!

I love you very much!
Remember,
"Who I Am Makes a Difference"

HAPPY VALENTINES FROM ROSIE!

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Hi all you special people with the extra special miracle of having a service dog or..maybe you are thinking of dedicating your love and time to this most important and needed tool to help you with your disability.

It is not the answer to all your prayers, (just about!) You must learn everyday with your best friend what is right for you and what is right for them.  Listen to people that know! Take advice and be willing to refresh what you have learned.

HI SHARON!!
YUP..she will tell me things I am doing wrong..because my dog is a Rough Collie. All our special friends have instincts, never forget your dog has instincts..they are dogs. and do not feel guilty for that..happens. SQUIRRELS HAPPEN!!
Sharon has reminded me that I need a refresher course..CANT WAIT!!

I will tell you I had a TOTAL PANIC ATTACK!!! I was gently,(as in we better be careful of this 'crazy' person, or get the strait jacket), escorted out of the clinic. People were scared of me! I was frightened of  myself at this time! I am shaking and all of my tears and emotions are in ABSOLUTE CHAOS,  IN PUBLIC!! Then reality changed. 
It took two days and a healing, informative, calming conversation with Sharon to help me see the light!  In all the panic I was not using my best friend, my medicine, my Rosie!!

With Rosie by my side I just assumed, (and we all know about that word), that people just knew what I needed. Just because she is THERE is not enough, I need to use my tool and learn how to help her help me.
Our service dogs, and us,  need to remember to work together when this disease rears its ugly head. We can not believe that everyone knows what we think, just because we have become so comfortable with our dogs.

I have learned this lately,,and have been SO CONSUMED with service dog rights and people that have abused these rights...GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!! I put myself in this perfect scenario for high anxiety and loss of control.

I, ( and so easily done), in all my rights had lost sight of my beloved Rosie and most importantly what she is there to help me do. She is there to help me cope, to look into my eyes, if only I ask her too. It is so easy to know that your miracle is right by your side, to save you from your enemies..(ya..gets like that sometimes!).
Rosie need commands, structure, rules..I had forgotten that.
Oh my beautiful Rosie, that everyone loves and asks about..(sometimes I just want to shop and get home, I am so tired.)
We all need refreshers and reminders, every day is different and some people will just want to push your buttons. These are the times we need to absorb our medicine. This medicine, used correctly, is our intelligent, loyal service dogs. I know the next time this happens, and it will, I will use my Rosie and feel her comforting love. Love ya Rosie girl!

LOVE YOUR SPECIAL DOGS AND HAPPY VALENTINES TO ALL...LOVES..LOVES..LOVES.
You are very special, remember..
"Who I am Makes a Difference"

ANGER IS OUT THERE, IT HURTS, HUG YOUR DOG!

I am hoping that this blog will help you when anger is directed at you. Cruel anger, uneducated anger, anger that there is nothing you can do about. I have had Rosie for close to two years now and never have I experienced such anger. The last week left me crying, confused and at a loss how to cope with people who would not listen. I now know this will happen, and be prepared, I was not, probably never will be. I just hope my experience in hell for me, might help you.


Safe in my bubble of my neighborhood that knows Rosie and I, I was not ready for the abuse, (and that is a very appropriate word), that we experienced this week. It leaves me sad, tired and frustrated at the uneducated world we live in!

Most of all, after all the anti-anxiety medicines I had to take after this week, I am tired and emotionally exhausted. I wanted to so give back the hurt that these people gave me, all in a big wave of 'why did you hurt me so much?' I wanted to so hurt them back..they crushed my very soul. My soul and Rosie were happy with our world, how could they be so ignorant and mean?

So exhausting is this week of people telling me that I cannot enter there store, that Rosie is dirty, being put out on the street waiting for them to give me a contact number, and knowing that they will let me wait out there for hours before even acknowledging I exist. I was nothing to people this week, neither was Rosie. I was SO ready to call the police, but called my safety net, Sharon and Ryan. They drove all the way from Burnaby to South Surrey to help me. They are your support, never be afraid to call them. They are hugs and professional.

I experienced severe anxiety, depression and low self confidence. 'Invisibe Disability,' will explode when an abusive situation happens. What emerged was my anger, for my being, for my rights, for my service dog. When someone is yelling and abusing you..you get scared, I did. Never did I forget my rights and called Sharon and Ryan. Even the people at my son's school were so concerned they went to talk to this person and came back very upset and concerned as to my rights and safety. Sadly, even this special person from my son's school came back frustrated and hurt.

Thank you TLA..you are so close to my heart..(my son's school!) Thank you Sharon and Ryan, for your support when needed.

If you hurt me with your ignorance of the law to insult the only thing that has allowed me my independence and life.. I just lose my patience! I try...to educate, I show my BC Government Guide Act certificate and stay calm. This I have done so many times and educated so many people, hundreds!

All this week people did not listen, did not want to see the law, pushed me away with a wave of there hand like I was nothing. My disability, my rights, my miracle Rosie, was dirt beneath their feet. They ignored me and would not be educated.

My rights as a human being, (as I have just become accustomed too thanks to Rosie),were shattered. Again I was the little girl, in trouble, being abused, afraid, losing my mind.
I am mentally ill, and can function in daily life with Rosie. Some things will put me over the edge, and it is not fair. It is my human right to walk into a store with Rosie and purchase something. When this was taken away..I was a little girl, and that made me sad.

I have been through enough. Rosie has given me life. Someone that is so ignorant as to not even listen to the law and abuse me is criminal. The fact that they feel it is their right to yell at me and order me out of the store is beyond me.
HUG your dog and leave!

It is VERY hard for me to write this as I am so angry and hurt and crying. My only wish is that the next disabled person that walks into this store will not feel as humiliated and crushed as I did.

Sharon and Ryan came to my son's school, (by the store) and by that time I had taken so many anti-anxiety meds, I was in control. Remembering the incident now, I am not. How dare some stupid person infringe on MY right as a human being and my beloved dog that I have been so dedicated to?? My service dog that I desperately need to even take my son to school?

My very wise friend Sharon told me that this week's incidents would affect me for a long time and at this time I am shedding a tear at her words. She is right. The cruelty and mostly the ignorance of people this week has shocked me into tears.
HUG your dog and leave!

I cannot stop being so angry now, or saddened, or stop writing.
My special people out there, when in trouble, call your support people, they will be there. Sharon and Ryan will figure it out, they make it right. All you really want is to make it right. I read that one of the most basic needs of a human being is to be heard.

For the next disabled person that walks in that store and is not abused, discriminated against, or make to feel so very small, I salute you!  I will advise and protect you with information and advocacy. I will tell you that Sharon and Ryan are the best people to call in this kind of discrimination.
If your soul is broken, as it always is with this disease, hugs and love your service dog. My Rosie got me through this,I am so proud of her and will forever with pride show her certification to anyone who so abusively asks for it or not.

This was a rare, ugly, long week of hell that I do not think will happen to you. If it does, stay strong, cry your tears about the injustice of this world. Talk and be comforted by Sharon and Ryan, they know, they understand.  The anger was hard to forget, but that is what our service dogs are there for, to show us the love and help us live our lives.

Above all, no matter how hard it seems, ( to me now too), know you count, you matter, your are special and worthy in this world.


"Who Your are Makes a Difference

HAPPY BIRTHDAY RYAN FROM ROSIE

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TRAINING MY MOM AND LOVING THE SUN! Jan.16, 2010

I love today! My mom is bright and happy, like the sun.  She is so serene yet full of life amongst the trees and mossy, bouncy fields at the park.  We are as one, so in tune with the welcoming warm air and majestic, emerald trees.  It is Saturday today and this day always proves an adventure at our park as we encounter many other dogs out for a spirited romp.

SQUIRREL!!  Sorry about that, those little furry creatures get the best of me!  I look at Mom, apologize with my eyes and look for a discreet place to, you know, nature calls!
Thanks Mom for cleaning that up!  I wonder why Mom picks up my poop? Strange really.  Hey! Shilo is here! My Golden Lab friend! We walk side by side with our owners, Shilo is always leashed and that makes me so happy that he is safe!  Happy chap that Shilo!  Timber! Where is your leash? My friend Timber is a huge Rottie cross, huge!  
Timber's heart is as big as he is, I pray he stays out of danger.

Together, we are a team in sync. We speak the same language and flow like a calm river stream. I wish we could stay here forever today! I met a dog that looked like a bedroom slipper, all white and fluffy. What is this? 'Spike' started barking, more like a 'yip, yip'!  Goodness!

Hey Mom, can we quietly just walk by this ferocious little slipper?  A husky cross was training over the grassy, soggy hill.  I watched with interest and remembered the early days of training with my Mom.

We were not always this natural, calm and confident!  My Mom was very nervous as to our understanding each other and I really did not know Mom either! I have travelled countless miles and lived with many other people. Would I stay here, who was this person?  Would she keep me safe and love me?  What can I get away with?  How am I going to train her?  Our early days together were funny, unorganized, clumsy, scary, frustrating, heart warming and full of promising success!

Just getting out the door seemed a complex maneuver!  Choke chain goes which way? Come on Mom, lets go!  'Dress', on with the cape, Mom's clumsy hands, practice, practice.  We are going shopping, first time as a team!!!!!! Sharon is coming too! Mom is racking her brains thinking of commands, at the proper time, the PERFECT, RIGHT command, don't mess up, figure out what to say to people, be calm, don't run over me with the shopping buggy, she's funny! I see Mom and wish she had 5 hands..awww. Wallet, leash, money, backpack, bankcard and me are confusing tasks in my Mom's mind.  Change falls, Mom pays with shaking hands and we survive! In the beginning, what the heck do ya hold on to first? It is just not natural! The cashier asks Mom the nerve racking question, "What do you have her for?!!".   Amazing clerk, she really rattled my Mom! Blunt, direct, almost accusing questions, on my Mom's first day! Mom is sweating and blushing! Her brain is on automatic pause, caught off guard, stuck.  Sharon to the rescue! Phew! Encounters of the service dog kind!  People will shock you, laugh at you, test you, question, and most sincerely appreciate and be proud of you. I feel that most all of the people we meet are kind, interested, friendly and very curious.

Our next challenge was a bus trip.  Ha, Ha! Ryan and Sharon came to help Mom and I, this time we both were VERY nervous! Where to sit, where do I put my butt and big fluffy tail, what does Mom say to the bus   driver?  We sat, we calmed, we rocked.  Today when we get on the bus we proudly take our disable seat, excuse me people! I tuck myself away promptly and we relax for the ride. I must admit the sky train takes getting used to! I seem to slide on the slippery floor and the loud vibration is threatening! I began to shake when some threatening person hit the sky train window with an angry, loud THUMP, THUMP !!!!!!!!  Mom, you were there to calm my fears and hug me. I was so very frightened.

                                                                                        

A bus driver told Mom she was not allowed to take me on the bus. Mom took on the challenge and explained that I was a certified assistance dog.  The bus driver was unbelieving and rude.  He exclaimed, 'that is not       even the right type of leash!'.  Mom wanted to say, 'I'm not blind, you idiot!', but she kept her cool. This was one individual that did not need to know Mom's illness, I know he would have been less than understanding!                

I remember training in Richmond with Sharon, Ryan and Turner. Sharon told Mom to call me to 'come'. Mom wanted to do everything, PERFECT! She started to move forward and 'come'. Yup, great move Mom but the commands are for me Mom, not you!! A leash is not a simple tool to conquer!  Mom used to hold my leash so high I thought she was trying to catch a bird! We laughed so hard! Mom has come a long way with her training since then!

She started taking pictures of me everywhere we went and even asking other people to take pictures of us together!  A very strong loving bond was formed and it grows stronger every day. A bond of trust and love from time together on many adventures.  Every day is a learning experience. If you are nervous, I know you are dedicated, you take me or your service pal seriously, you care. I promise to listen, if you don't nag, and will learn with you. Every mistake we make will teach us something we need to know.

My Mom and I have tripped over each other and fallen down, lost control over a sudden appearance of a nasty pooch, become entangled in the leash, stumbled on words and which side does she walk on again? When Mom first corrected me I had no clue what she was doing! Why are you tugging, I thought?  With practice Mom got it right and I know when I need to focus.  I found food under a restaurant table and ate it.  Mom was mortified! I have tested her patience and will continue to do so! My Mom is funny and she loves me so much, a little testing of her watchful eye is rather amusing and I like to know my boundaries.

Mom had to explain to best friends and family that she needs extra time, to get me ready, to potty me, to groom me, to be with me. They are just now starting to understand our relationship and take it seriously. If I cannot go with Mom, she will not go, period. Confidence!

I remember one JSR event when someone told my Mom, 'excuse me, your dog is walking out the door.' Mom jumped so fast off her seat I thought her butt was on fire! Funny Mom, she was so surprised!

Have you taken your service dog into a small bathroom stall yet? When even the handicap stall is small, this proves to be a wonderful new challenge! The bathroom stall door opens inward, so in we go. Now, Mom has to close the door with me directly in the way. She doesn't want to squish me so she directs me to the other side. It must be such a funny sight! Trying to maneuver with not even inches to spare! Squish, move, turn, Mom really has to go! I will tell you that Mom has done her business many times with the bathroom stall door open before we conquered the gymnastics of it all!  Oh my God! She would tell me, PLEASE don't sneak under the stall to those friendly looking feet next to us. Funny Mom!

Pick up my food dish? Pick up KEYS? Those nasty metal things? I don't think so! Thank you my friend Sharon for the patience and dedication to persevere with us. Throw me something now! I will retrieve it and give it to you. I will pick up my food dish too, you need your socks?

Enjoy your mistakes and downfalls, learn from them. Me and Mom did. Laugh at yourself and realize how far you have come, be proud.  I am here to lovingly serve my Mom, I trust her with all my heart. When I look at her my doggy heart smiles! I am dedicated to her because we have weathered the storms and come through it a better, stronger, connected,  team. Remember who you are, be proud, never stop learning and laughing!

Your hard work matters, who you are matters, tell yourself every day... 

"Who I Am Makes A Difference"               

                                            

EMERGING FROM THE DARK WITH MY LOYAL FRIEND

Its getting better! Little by little, life begins again. I am not quite there yet, still sleeping and waking at all hours. This butterfly knows she will be breaking out of that dark cacoon, I know it, right Rosie? Woof! 

The fog is clearing, there is joy creeping in! Thank you Rosie for the fresh cleansing rain at the park. I breathe life with you every morning. You were absolutely halarious today! Just plain goofy! Rosie, you lift my spirits, you make me laugh. Rosie would like the next blog to be funny, and I will give her that wish. Thank you for being with me through this very rough ride. I hang on strongly because I know you are all out there, and of course...
for us all....
'Who I am Makes a Difference'

For the wonderful new teams of West Coast Assistance Teams and all of us who have had the pleasure of training, loving and just trying to get darn organized with our special dogs by our side, the next blog should be quite entertaining. I am going to laugh and Rosie hopes you smile and have a giggle too!

Hugs and Love Always

Leanne and Rosie

BRUTAL

I must share with you the good times and the bad. How quickly mental illness can take it's ugly hold upon us! I forgot.  To know that you are there listening helps me, I need you now.  I have fallen. My eagle cannot fly and it saddens me. I cannot stop crying.
My Rosie is not just by my side but has her head constantly on my lap. She tries to make me laugh by picking up socks and throwing them up in the air. I roar!

She knows this is a very rough time, Mom is hurting.

I HATE this disease. It steals my life. I feel I have no control. I do not know how long this episode will last. I do know I will not answer the phone or have anyone in my house. I am so ashamed of my house, my appearance, my very being! My body hurts. I cannot get out of bed often. My Rosie alerts and barks, (right in my ear!) till I do get up,,good girl. Our trip to the outside world of the park is all I can handle right now.  I do not want to see anyone or talk to anyone, because I am very ugly.
Selfish? Yes, this disease is selfish. My world right now is of deep despair, my angel Rosie and my computer.

These wolves capture what I feel, I love them so much.  I love animals, they are the innocence of life. I cry for them. They feel, they hurt so bad.  When I see the pain in there eyes, someone hits me in the stomach, hard.

When times are dark, I am trapped, a prison cell cacoon.
So much shame, from where?  Self blame and guilt attacking every breath. I don't know. If not for my son and my Rosie, I would be in hospital. I know that for sure. They are the tiny light of connection, love and hope. I am so tired now and want to sleep, again! If I am not sleepy I will eat everything I can until I am. The binging will stop the tears for awhile. This is brutal.

Thank you so much for listening, it does mean the world to me. The best thing for a very depressed person is just to listen. Do not expect an answer to the phone, it is just to hard to talk, think and even know what to say. Answering the phone is a very scary thing during these times.  A psychiatrist told me when you do this you have a personality disorder, (amongst other symptoms). Whatever. He gave me a book to read. Did not help.   I want to get better. I am just so tired of something that grabs my neck when I least expect it, all through my life.  I am going to hug Rosie, my son and go to sleep.  I love you all and so deeply understand what is behind the everyday face we show to the world.  I have no choice right now but to go with what the demons are enveloping me in. This cacoon of cold, dark, sadness. I cry to hope that a butterfly will soon be free.