Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Morning Dew Sparkles and Roses Sept. 21, 2010

This will be a very long day. It is coming up six am, the house is very still. My kitty is sick and begging to be let outside, he is and has always been an outside wanderer from the very first day I rescued him from his little prison at the clinic. He's my long time buddy and I know he would go crazy if not allowed outside. I will keep a worried vigil at my back door until he returns.

It's dark outside, my days have become nights adjusting to the new medicine for Graves Disease.I am out of cigarettes. I will wait for the light and take a very early morning walk to the store that I am nervous about. Rosie will be with me. She will get me to the store and I can watch her happy trot at receiving such a gift as this early walk! She is watching me from the couch, attentive to my every mood and action, my loving friendly shadow.

Coffee is ready and I am going to need it because I have not slept yet. It is going to be a very long day. I can hear the world waking up outside. The odd car goes bye and I wish the morning light would hurry up! Another cup of coffee, (caffeine is kicking in!), a quick note to my son in case he wakes up, open bedroom window for my kitty, where is he anyway? Breakfast for my angel Rosie and let's get this very strange, disorientating walk over with so I can continue to write! I have not posted in SO long, the past few months have been very hard, so very sedated. Talk to you soon, wish us luck. I have missed you all very much!

8:00 AM
We are home! What an opposite world it is now than a few hours ago! Although, I feel very surreal because of no sleep . The 6 am java has worn off to a sickly feeling in my stomach. I cannot eat for hours after my thyroid pill, I must eat after my antidepressants, hence the feeling of nausea. Leeta kitty is home! Donny is still dreaming of Star Trek adventures, Goldie the fish dozing in his dark aquarium, all is how it should be.
Our trek in the twilight was eerie, deserted and filled with the sounds of silence. Lack of sleep had my senses in high alert and the sound of someone following us was, in reality, only the sound of a rock in my running shoe.

This is the time of evening's goodbye, when I always imagine I am the only person left in the world. The traffic lights change for empty roads.

 The park and the trees scurry to capture the dawn's first light and I wonder where all the people of earth have gone. When my head begins to devour my thoughts like this I know what to do. Rosie is my 'reality anchor'. I stop to hug her and notice morning's dewdrops sparkling on her nose, she makes me laugh!
We've made it to Safeway. This feat is a victory for me! My legs only became pillars of stone about the third block of this morning's journey, only a squeaking of sharp pain in my lower back. Last week my back would have been screaming. One step forward, two steps back. Recovery from thyroid ablation is very, very slow! My world became very small and thank God Rosie was in it.

 Since May when I was 'nuked' I have learned who are my true supporters and angels in my life. I have lost relationships and am a stronger, better person to myself for losing them. I have gained closer, wiser and more loving relationships with friends and family. I relish every second of life that Rosie and I spend with these miraculous people. Sharon, Ryan, Mel, Donna and my treasured sister, Tracy, I am sincerely in awe of the love and support from you these last few months.  Rosie and I love you so very much! Like the dew sparkles on Rosie's nose, you make my life sparkle. You make me smile and are there when when we really need someone. Thank you for being there to keep me strong and more importantly, for being there when we both became weak. Sparkle on dewdrops!

I was not the only one feeling pain this summer. My angel girl Rosie also endured pain after an attack and bite from another dog. She received a puncture wound at her joint and spent the afternoon and night in the veterinary clinic.When Rosie bled, my heart bled. She was sedated, sutured and on antibiotics for ten days.
 How my soul tried to be brave when the doctor took her away from me. I lost myself and the world literally began to spin out of control. If not for Sharon, Ryan and Mel, who stayed with me the entire night, I would have surely died inside.
 We picked up Rosie at 4:30 am. She was swaying back and forth, foggy eyed and wore the cone around her neck. To see her like that was so terribly wrong. Mel stayed with me into the next day and we took care of Rosie. We have been even closer since that excruciating night, I was able to give Rosie what she gives to me every day, love to heal and a hand, (paw), to hold when life hurts.

Rosie glowed with her constant charm on our trip this morning! The security guard outside of Safeway wanted to chat about Collies, barking dogs, and just about everything when he saw us. Rosie has this effect on people, and with her by my side, I forgot how tired I was.
We carried on after buying cigarettes and Leeta kitty food to avoid that look of disgust that Leeta gives me when he only has dry food! A short stop at the gas bar for Rosie's special cookie that they always have for her and we are finally headed home!
The sky was no longer grey and alien. It was blue!

 The sun began to shine and I felt that everyone I saw in this bright light must know that I had been up all night! I felt kinda messy! No one really knew, besides, they just wanted to smile at Rosie and wish us a cheery good morning. Rosie is always more than happy to wag her tail and wish everyone a good day!

This will not be a very long day! Thank you Rosie for showing me the way out of the dark and into the sunshine. I see the sparkling morning dew playing on your nose, you make me laugh, you give me life, my gentle loving rose.

 Rosie has confiscated my pillow and settled in for a well deserved snooze!

We love that you have shared these morning hours with us, thank you with hugs and tail wags! We have missed saying hello and sharing our days. Goodnight for a few hours, Rosie and I have much to do this afternoon! Before shutting your eyes tonight, Rosie would like you to say to yourself....

'Who I am Makes A Difference'