Thursday, May 20, 2010


This post is from me, Leanne, and not from Rosie, ( my son Donny and her are taking a well deserved rest)

I MUST tell you how Rosie has helped me with something new in my life, physical pain. This physical pain seems like it comes from another planet than the pain from my monsters of the mind.  Very different, very real and tactile. The tests at the hospital, the very REALITY of it all is, almost, to me, too easily communicated to the medical profession.
My only wish is that someday people like myself may be helped, so believed, so acknowledged, so tested and diagnosed without a doubt for our mental disorders that so affect our lives.  I cannot help but compare at this time in my life. My physical disease is cut and dry, maybe not to the doctors with their scans and varying degrees of prognosis, but to me there is no fight to get my pain across, they already know. I wish they knew what I have been trying to make them understand for all my life, the pain of my mind.

Rosie and I are beginning a new chapter of my life, one of physical pain, many tests and hospital visits. We are strong! Rosie was right by my side for some test at the nuclear medicine department at Surrey Memorial Hospital. The technicians and doctors LOVED her gentle way and behaved manner. She was welcomed with open arms and I am sure will be for future tests I am going to. What comfort and calmness with Rosie by my side! Rosie entered my mind and calmed it, this was just another new experience with Mom.  The entire nuclear medicine department petted her and showed us pictures of their dogs on their cell phones!! I previously worked in hospitals all my life, I can't help but think that Rosie and I are so at ease in hospitals that this disease will be something Rosie and I will face together, we can do it, together.
Rosie was right beside the gamma camera and all these radioactive tests with me..(it's ok, the radioactive stuff was inside me, no danger to Rosie or my son Donny.)

Rosie and I spent a most GLORIOUS weekend with my twin sister and her best friend, 'Kess', (my sister's husky wolf cross), to celebrate our 50th birthday! Rosie and I , (Rosie is near 56 herself!), have discovered that these ARE the best years of our life! There is a calming peace that comes with this birthday, a soul awakening, a pristine time in life. Rosie and I are soaking in every moment of it and every moment feels very, very special, yea 50!

Whatever life is going to present to us now, we are ready. I have had Rosie for close to 2 years now, we are connected, and become more so every day.  I do know that with her, whatever life throws at me, I can handle. Before I had Rosie, I could not. There was no hope, no tomorrow, no angel to lead me to the future. Do you see what an amazing change a service dog can make? I hope so.

I write this blog to my best friend, my loving shadow that is always there, my furry companion that knows me, my constant companion that gives me that look wherever I go, ' love you, you are everything to me', my angel, Rosie.
Rosie says this to me with every blow of the wind, and wants you to say it to yourself...
'Who I Am Makes A Difference'

Friday, May 14, 2010



Saturday, May 8, 2010


A Dark day and My Shining Star 

(With all our love to Shayla, another shining star for me,you must shine on, be strong for me)

Inside is grungy, dirty, not done, so much to do.
Shame for the chores not done, my voice says, ’MUST DO!’

I see disgusting, dirt, I see the shame, not only dishes but swarms of pain, guilt, and you are bad, so worthless.

Rosie’s eyes are warm, her white glowing mane, promising, I love you Rosie.
The guilt, the shame for what I am
The face I show is an embarrassing sham.
But she knows and does not care,
about my clothes or dirty hair.
I am consumed with dishes and dirt, how could I be so bad?

She looks at me, she knows I am sad.
And in her look she warms me so,
I love you no matter what, she lets me know
I need you Rosie.
We walked today for many miles, dirty hair, no shower, my head down to hide my shame,
She shakes her white and glowing mane.
Rosie says,
“Outside I am free”
Outside with Rosie,
People smile, I smile and talk

Return home, hurry! Stop the talk,
And then I return, afraid to rot.

I return, to face the fear,
And feel that the darkness will reappear, it’s here.
It is never really gone, till the day and lightness make it clear.
And so pristine, and for a moment I am here.
So sharp and clear is the world, so refreshing is the wind,
I spread my arms to take it in, to fly.
These days are few, maybe two a year. I remember fondly but soon forget, how lovely and clear and light it feels, and then regret. Now, the heavy, dark in mind and body that is my life. Except for the release of that day, the CLEAR DAY, oh how I wish, I could get that back..

It is so shameful, I must hide! Life is hidden. My life without Rosie is hidden.

Its suppertime, Rosie brings me my pill, maybe there is hope.
My mind teases none, for you? Nope.
Maybe tomorrow I will clear the dirt from my mind, my house,
Not fear my life, not hide like a mouse.
Every day, every day, the next day, is tomorrow, for clearing the mess, everyday is a day to only hide, sleep, rest. My home where I write, my home should be still.
My home is only the place for a pill. Tomorrow is time to clean and refresh, tomorrow is time to be caught in the mesh.
Of promises I make to be good to myself.

My son smiles at me, I love him, the joy in his eyes

Little boy’s smiles hold truth and no lies

I love you Donny.
Rosie plops down, in front of me content
Gone is the day of sidewalks, cement.

Miles walked today, mind rest and stay,
I ponder and try to push negative away
My family is happy, dark thoughts go astray
A cigarette,
A donut,
An outlet,
Anything not to feel, don’t fret, go away
Come back to Rosie, she knows the way.

From my heavy heart, Rosie does lift,
I can belong with my heaven’s gift.

Without her, there is no white glowing mane, no friend, constant companion through the pain.
I love you Rosie, thank you for being with me
You never question, forever, loyally.
My shadow through the dark and the light
Without you, I would give up the fight.
I just went upstairs, there she is and a pet
She does not understand my guilt
For challenges not met.

Thank you my friend for all that you are
My angel, my friend, my shining star.

To My Mom (the most special human one!) 

Happy Mom’s Day and my most loving Woof! For you my paws write this poem, I love you most for your heart that is my forever, loving home.

Recently so clear to me, my mom is feeling low
She sleeps a lot, her chores not done, her pace is very slow.
Something is different about her, something is not the same,
It’s not her mind but the way she walks, she moves as if in pain.
We have been to sterile new places, where I watch her talk,
To people in white, and there is a struggle in her walk.
I stay closer now, I look so closely at her face
She always leans down for a furry embrace.

Mom is not sad but sleepy, and after I am fed,
She warily lies down, beside me in her bed.
My Mom, she smiles at me and our routine is just the same,
Except for things she cannot do because she’s feeling pain.
I wish I could talk, during our walk
But in a way I always do,
I understand what she needs is a nudge, a warm look to her face that says ‘I love you”.
My wagging tail, and happy woof! A place for her to hide,
If only for a moment from the noise and world outside.

We walked today and talked, many miles out in the sun,
She is hurting now and very tired, the day for Mom is done.
There is something changed about my Mom
She struggled and lost her energy today in the sun.
Whatever new, whatever pain, whatever needs to be done,
We understand together, together we are one.

I love her for the bond we share, the bond that grows and grows,
And now it seems so easy,  to know what each other knows.
Together Mom and I conquered the monsters of her mind, and we won
Together Mom and I will conquer the physical and not only walk but run.
There is a purpose for everyone, a reason for living, and everything done.

Mom and I in the sun, often we not only walk, but often we fly
Often we are so free that we hear the eagles cry.

 Mom and I are headed for the hospital where she must drink some nuclear dye,
I'll be there with her, in case she might cry.

Thank You for listening, YOU have to know,

"Who I am Makes a Difference"  

Special Love to 'Shayla' who needs to know we love her so much. You are my sunshine girl, even though you feel dark, have been there and you must know, there is light to come, and it is because of you. If you give up, the sunshine will be gone from my life, i love you and if your love of photography was ever gone from my life, (and donny's, young buddy photographer that LOVES your photo's), my life would be missing sunshine and talent. I love you girl, you make a difference.